The Colombian government has admitted to using witchcraft to ensure electoral gain for the Republican Party in November’s mid-term elections in the United States.
The use of indigenous witchcraft rituals is Colombia’s “only hope that there will be a U.S. Congress actually ratifying our free trade agreement,” newly installed ambassador to Washington Gabriel Silva said at a Tea Party rally in the state of Virginia on Saturday.
Unaware of the presence of media watchdog Mediamatters.org, the ambassador admitted that being nice to the Democrats was a necessary evil as long as they hold the U.S. Presidency and Congressional majority. “But if you look at it, they’ve never really done anything for us and we can’t wait for them to disappear,” Silva was quoted as saying.
“The Republican Party may not be the best option for illegal Colombians in your country, but it’s sure as hell the only option for their government in Bogota,” the ambassador said.
According to the diplomat, several indigenous tribes in the southern Putumayo and Nariño departments have been “slightly pressured” to perform acts of witchcraft to influence the November elections after the Catholic Church refused to promote a mass prayer offensive in promotion of Colombian business interests in North America.
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